our time in the mental health system

I don’t remember much before the age of 16… I know that my eating habbits were bad and my mum had kept forcing me to doctors saying I had an ED, though she thought I was eating “too much” despite being very underweight . and I know that I haad been to see the school counsellor a few times, but can’t remember what came of that

When I was 16 I got put in hospital for about 2 weeks, I can’t remember how long exactly… I had attempted suicide while pregnant and lost the child. While I was there I got told a load of rubbish about how at 16 I could not possibly have any real reason to try to kill myself.

About 4 months later I was hospitalised again, and diagnosed with anorexia. They kept me there until I was an “acceptable” weight then released me and I never heard from them again

When I was 17, I went to a doctor and told them I was loosing time and hearing whispering, that there were “children” in my head and that I would find writting and art around my home that was not by me. They told me to stop drinking :/ despite the fact that at this point in life I had never drunk alcohol

When I was 18 I ended up in hospital after a stupid act of trying to make myself “clean”… basically I dunk some cleaning products and burnt my esothagus… I had to see an on call psych again, this time she came to the conclusion that “voices told me to do it”, which they didn’t! I just wanted to be clean…

When I was 19 I went to see a councillor who told me I was beyond her skill and to go to a doctor. So I went to a doctor saying that i thought I had an anxiety disorder only to be told it was “stress” and “homesickness”, even though I had moved away from “home” 3 years before

So I went back to the counsellor. I told her a lot, about nightmares, flashbacks, “loosing” full days, etc. But she was always more interested in my financial situation than my actually problems

I went to another doctor, this one told me that I was just stressed and prescribed me sme sleeping tablets which I then ODed on… The on call psych in the hospital basically called me a melodramatic attention seaker…

I went to another doctor, this one told me to “stop living in the past” and that what I went though was “not that bad, at least no one died”

10 months ago I went to another doctor who referred me to a psychologist. I saw her for 4 weeks before she referred me to psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy said that I was “not bad enough” and so I was removed from the waiting list…

My GP sent me to the urgent referral team at the psych hospital, who screaned me for psychosis and she promised me a CPN

2 weeks later I was told that I was not “bad enough” for a CPN

I went back to my GP and told her a load of stuff I had not soken to her about before (i.e. the “people in my head”) and she phoned the psych hospital to ty to get me seen again

Not long after this I “lost” a few hours and ended up ODing during this time. I went to hospital and the on call psych came to see me… she told me that the abuse was all my fault, that I was never raped, that I was making a big deal out of nothing and that DID was not real so I should stop being stupid and just admit that I tried to kill myself… she said that the abuse from my ex wasn’t abuse and that my parents were at worst “slightly emotionally abusive” but not enough to have “messed me up” so I should just stop making a big deal out of nothing

This resulted in several weeks of not leaving bed, crying all the time, and loosing a lot of time where I would “come back” to massive cuts and quite disturbing writing…

5 months ago I got another psychologist, after only 2 sessions with her though she took me off her service. She didn’t believe that DID exists

3 months ago I got a new psychologist. She has diagnosed me with PTSD, DID and EDnos, and suspects mild agrophobia… she took me to see a dissocosiation specialist who “brought out” the alters and stuff…

So… taken 6 years, but I finally have a diagnosis lol. But… I am being referred again after Christmas…

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