the way my mum talks about her work upsets me… she keeps going on about the people she works with and how awful there lives are, how vulnerable they are, how their existance is so so so awful yet they “get on with it”. She is so nice about them, she goes on about how strong and amazing they are to manage to live without family, or without work, or with X, Y and Z in their pasts. Yet me… well apparently NOTHING I could feel, see or experiance could ever be as bad as what they hae happen.

Earler she was talking about one of them who was raped, and how awful it was and how bad she feels for them. And how she is going to ring her tomorrow because it’s christmas and she wants to check onn her. Which is nice, and a good thing to do. But when I tod her I had been raped it was all “get over it”, “stop moaning”, “it wasn’t real rape”, etc…
Why does she care so much more about everyone else then she does about me?

and when I pointed out earlier that I did know what EDs were (when she was explaining this persons situration in a way that you may describe EDs to someone who’d never heard of one) and that I did used to have one she said “yet but with you it was a phase, with her it’s a real and dangerous illness”!!! I was fucking hospitalised!!! how is that “just a phase”???? And I may not be dangerously under weight anymore but I still struggle with food, after 6 years… how can 6 years be a phase?????


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