Frustration – a bit of a vent

ye… needed to vent somewhere…

2 weeks ago I saw a psychologist who said she’s ring to organise another appointment within 4 days… today I got the phonecall, 2 bloody weeks… and the appointment is on the 8th :/ a bit of a gap between appoitments…

Not doing brilliantly right now… We have this scar on the abdamen, just above thstomach… Had semi-forgotten where it came from, but then remembered about it… I mean I knew why it was there and stuff, just didn’t think about it… but now it keeps playing through my mind over and over… I know my mum is messed up, I know that… and I know she did some awful things to me, but… well I guess this is way I tried to always stop myself from thinking about it… I mean if my own mum hated me enough to do that to me then… well… then maybe I really am that awful???
I mean first my mum, then my step-dad, then Steve, then Tristan, then Tristans drug dealer, then John, then a few people who’s names I don’t even know, then Tristan again… Either I attract bad people or I make people bad

I’ve been suicidal on and off for about a week… in that time have really damaged my arm and arms, taken 3 ODs, purged to the point of blood coming up and heaily restricted :/ it’s not good, I know it’s not good… but in a way I don’t care… I;’ve been waiting 6 years for help, 6 years!!! and I still have nothing… well I have a diagnosis

It seems stupid really… we’ve fought and hunted for help for 6 years and now it’s nearlly here can’t be bothered anymore


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