I know that a lot of people don’t believe in multiple personalities. I find that interesting. I’d rather not believe in it myself 😉 However, given that I live with a group of people in my head who insist they are real, and who take control of my body on a regular basis, I’m trying to learn to accept the fact that they’re real, and have been real since I was about 6 years old.
I’ve wrestled a lot of long, lonely, difficult hours with this.
- They’re not imaginary.
- They’re not because I’m malingering.
- They’re not because I’m well-read about DID.
- They’re not there because I’ve seen movies.
- They’re not there to get me out of anything.
- They’re not there because its “convenient.”
- They’re not made up.
- They’re not invented so I can stay in therapy longer, or to get attention, or to be cool, or anything like that.
You know why they’re there?
Because stuff happened that my own mind couldn’t handle. And maybe because I was a little too creative, and a LOT too sensitive…
I promice that this is real, I do experiance this, all of it.
- It sucks sometimes.
- I’ve lost friends.
- I’ve lost support.
- I have to take responsibility for things that I didn’t even know I did.
- I have to fix mistakes that I dont remember making.
- I forget things all the time.
- I never know what time it is
- I can’t remember almost 14 years of my life
- Its inconvenient.
- Its a pain in the butt.
- Its terrifying.
- The headaches are AWFUL
- It takes us hours to make a simple decision as everyone refused to agree
- Sometimes I loos a few hours and end up in a different city with no idea where I am or how I got there
- Acting like a child when in an adults body never ends well…
- “coming back” to being yelled at by people when I have no idea why is upsetting and SO confusing
- Its full of flashbacks and pain and loneliness and fear. Sometimes having noone, no company other than the others you share a body with as all the “singletons” can’t understand and end up leaving you
- And having people you might not even like take up residence inside your head.
- Some of these people may have different mental illnesses to you, so on a day to day basis the body can go through anything from self-harm to purging…
- You end up having items in your woardrobe that not only do you not rememmber buying but that don’t even fit
Basically, imagine taking 9 or 10 (and in some cases, many more) people from different walks of life, with completely different personalities and histories and likes and dislikes, and putting them all in a verysmallroomforaverylongtimetogether and see what happens. ell them to share this space for and endless amount of time, add one therapist standing outside the door of room who can see inside through a very small window, shake the room up, and enjoy…
Telling us things like “multiples personalities do not exist”, “stop acting, you’re fooling noone”, “stop looking for attention”, “this self pitty thing is getting old”, “there is no such thing as DID, next time you fake a disorder make sure it’s a real one”, etc. really doesn’t help… it is real, we experiance it, if it’s not real then what are we? why are we here?
Though truth be told there are some good points… like for example you are never truely alone… and it can result in some fairly funny siturations once you learn to laugh about it (which you have to do or you’d robably end up crying or suicidal). You’ll also never be short of clothes, something for every possible situration lol. If you can’t handle doing something then you can ask someone else to take over, though I feel bad for doing this… And it’s also a great excuse for things, you always have someone else to blaime events on 😛