Male abuse awareness week

There is a cultural bias which maintains that males cannot be victims. Males are expected to be confident, knowledgeable, and aggressive. When boys are victimized, they tend to be blamed more for their abuse and are viewed as less in need of care and support, than girls who are abused.

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Types of male abuse, facts and statistics

– At least 41 percent of the victims of domestic violence are men. (Harvey P. Forehand)
– As many as 1 in 5 males will be sexually abused before the age of 18. And one in five of adult rape victims are male. (Federal Bureau of Investigation in the US, or FBI)
– One in six men will be a victim of domestic abuse in their lifetime. (The British Crime Survey 2006/07 figures)
– Same-sex batterers use forms of abuse similar to those of heterosexual batterers. They have an additional weapon in the threat of “outing” their partner to family, friends, employers or community. (Lundy, Abuse That Dare Not Speak Its Name: Assisting Victims of Lesbian and Gay Domestic Violence in Massachusetts, 28 New Eng. L. Rev. 273 (Winter 1993)
– women who abuse men tend to prefer forms of abuse that don’t involve physical violence. The hurt, the injury caused by the habitual use of vicious mockery, frequent emotional blackmail, spreading odious lies and so on aren’t visible. (Harvey P. Forehand)
– Male Sexual Harassment in the Work Place on the Rise; According to a report by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission there were a record amount of harassment complaints filed by men in 2006. The figures given in the report state that of the 12,025 sexual harassment claims made in 2006 15.4 percent of these claims came from men. This shows a significant increase of male harassment cases made in the last ten years of 4.5. ([link])
– Munchausen by Proxy is when someone is causing illness or injury in another to obtain attention; usually by a parent or caregiver against a child (in 85% of cases the child is male) ([link])

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Useful websites and books

Why men do not disclose – [link]
ManKind (chariity supporting male victims of abuse) – [link]
M-Power – [link]

Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse – by Mic Hunter
Victims No Longer: Men Recovering from Incest and Other Sexual Child Abuse – by Mike Lew
The House On Telegraph Hill (An Asylum): Growing Up with Abusive Parents and a Lifetime After – by Charles S. Wilson

 

 

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Myths and facts of self-harm.

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Self-harm is usually a failed suicide attempt.

This myth persists despite a wealth of studies showing that, although people who self-injure may be at a higher risk of suicide than others, they distinguish betwen acts of self-harm and attempted suicide. Many, if not most, self-injuring people who make a suicide attempt use means that are completely different to their preferred methods of self-inflicted violence.

People who self-injure are crazy and should be locked up.

Tracy Alderman, Ph.D., author of The Scarred Soul, addressed this:

“Fear can lead to dangerous overreactions. In dealing with clients who hurt themselves, you will probably feel fear. . . . Hospitalizing clients for self-inflicted violence is one such form of overreaction. Many therapists, because they do not possess an adequate understanding of SIV, will use extreme measures to assure (they think) their clients’ best interests. However, few people who self-injure need to be hospitalized or institutionalized. The vast majority of self-inflicted wounds are neither life threatening nor require medical treatment. Hospitalizing a client involuntarily for these issues can be damaging in several ways. Because SIV is closely related to feelings of lack of control and overwhelming emotional states, placing someone in a setting that by its nature evokes these feelings is very likely to make matters worse, and may lead to an incident of SIV. In addition, involuntary hospitalization often affects the therapeutic relationship in negative ways, eroding trust, communication, rapport, and honesty. Caution should be used when assessing a client’s level of threat to self or others. In most cases, SIV is not life threatening. . . . Because SIV is so misunderstood, clinicians often overreact and provide treatment that is contraindicated.

People who self-harm are just trying to get attention.

A wise friend once emailed me a list of attention-seeking behaviors: wearing nice clothing, smiling at people, saying “hi”, going to the check-out counter at a store, and so on. We all seek attention all the time; wanting attention is not bad or sick. If someone is in so much distress and feel so ignored that the only way they can think of to express their pain is by hurting his/her body, something is definitely wrong in their life and this isn’t the time to be making moral judgments about their behavior.
That said, most poeple who self-injure go to great lengths to hide their wounds and scars. Many consider their self-harm to be a deeply shameful secret and dread the consequences of discovery.

Self-inflicted violence is just an attempt to manipulate others.

Some people use self-inflicted injuries as an attempt to cause others to behave in certain ways, it’s true. Most don’t, though. If you feel as though someone is trying to manipulate you with SI, it may be more important to focus on what it is they want and how you can communicate about it while maintaining appropriate boundaries. Look for the deeper issues and work on those.

Only people with Borderline Personality Disorder self-harm.

Self-harm is a criterion for diagnosing BPD, but there are 8 other equally-important criteria. Not everyone with BPD self-harms, and not all people who self-harm have BPD (regardless of practitioners who automatically diagnose anyone who self-injures with BPD).

If the wounds aren’t “bad enough,” self-harm isn’t serious.

The severity of the self-inflicted wounds has very little to do with the level of emotional distress present. Different people have different methods of SI and different pain tolerances. The only way to figure out how much distress someone is in is to ask. Never assume; check it oput with the person.

“thinking errors” caused by abuse/rape/trauma

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1.Hindsight Bias.

  • When you believe the you could have known what was going to happen before it was possible to know it.
  • Believing that you overlooked certain “signs”; such as a thought, feeling, dream, intuition, etc.
  • Sometimes people view prior “signs” as omens as it can give an illusion of control over the event
  • Some people will subconsciously alter their memories of an event to include these “omens” as it can be less painful to blame oneself for missing these “signs” than to feel powerless.

2.Confusing the possibility that you could have prevented the event with the belief that you caused it.

  • Often hindsight bias leads to the mistaken belief that you “could somehow have prevented” the event, and therefore you “actually caused it”.

3.Failing to consider or accet this biological truth:

  • Certain scientifically proven, involuntary, emotional and biological reactions to trauma or extreme stress are so powerful that they cannot be controlled by personal determination nor willpower.
  • Extreme stress can result in biologically based reactions such as dissociation or adrenaline surges which can impair mental abilities.
  • In traumatic or stressful situations time is often limited this combined with the effects of shock and confusion results in a lack of the luxury of being able to weigh up options or even to fully gather the facts of the situation.
  • Incases of sexual abuse or rape it is often common for the victim to become aroused. This is a biological and involuntary reaction and does not in anyway mean that the even was enjoyed, deserved or make the person a “slut”, “whore” or anything else other than human.

4.Evaluating what you did based on information that you discovered after the event.

  • It is not fair to judge yourself about the decisions you made during a devastating and stressful event by considering options that you thought of later, after you have had time to process what happened, or after discussing it with another. You can only weigh the merits of what you did against the alternatives that you thought of at the time, not against those you considered only with hindsight.

5.Considering only the possible positive consequences of an alternative action.

  • Do you feel guilty or ashamed due to feeling as if you should have reacted differently? Do you only look at the positive results of the path that you did not choose? Are you minimising that paths potential fornegative consequences?

6.Emotional reasoning.

  • Emotional reasoning involves judging the merits of an action or idea based solelyon your emotional reaction to it. Often this emerges as the thining of t”feelings being facts”, when in reality just because you feel a certainway does not mean that you are it. For example: “I feel guilty,  therefore I must be guilty”, however this is flawed reasoning as to verify that actions are guiltworthy more than just feeling guilty is required.

7.All-or-Nothing thinking.

  • This is basically seeing the world in black/white terms… so all bad, all good, etc.
  • Lifeis full of ambiguities and complex situations;  however, when someonehas experienced a life shattering event their entire concept of theworld c ould be changed.  The entire world can become “dangerous”, “scary”, etc. All men could become “bad”. But in reality the word has not become any more dangerous, it is the same as it has always been; only your perception has changed.

8.Exaggerating or minimising the meaning of an event.

  • The tendency either to exaggerate or minimise the meaning of a negative event is similar to all-or-nothing thinking. However, both of these paths of thinks can be damaging. It is erroneous to consider that the event was “nothing”, that you should just “get over it” or that it will not effect your life, but it is also wrong to consider it a defining moment or a core to your identity.
  • This event effected you, that makes it important, however, you are worth more than this experience and are not defined by it.

Great short film

I seriously LOVE this film lol

it’s very clever and it describes the “internal chatter” that I experiance well.

Hazel

Protectors

We are havng a little difficulty with the protectors in the system right now… THey all have very different ideas of how to protect us all, and as the littles are so wound up and scared at the moment (due to visiting family soon) the protectors have all started coming forwards…

Michelle wants to push everyone away and yell and shout and fight until we are alone and so “safe”
Sarah wants to go out of our way to please my boyfriend in an attempt to make sure that we are not left alone.
Rachel kind of wants to destroy the body as then noone can ever hurt us again…

so ye… not going wel right now

Hazel

Internal arguments

these are fun… days when everyone inside has a different opinion or wants to do a different thing… results in awful headaches, and a fair bit of switching too.
We were meant to go to university today, but the younger ones did not want to… so when I tried to leave they stopped me, it was like a physical wall stopping me like my feet were glued to the floor. So ended up staying home, again…

In is now December, none of us like December. It gets dangerous, Rachel and Sarah are very unstable right now and I am finding it hard to maintain control.

Hazel

So, who are we?

Well I am Hazel, I have been writting most of our posts so far. I am the core personality, in other words I am the original. I’m 22 and I am a student studying physiology.

I’m Michelle, I’m 17. I am the strength in our system, I hold them all together. I keep people away, keep the body safe and will never let anyone hurt any of us again.

My name is Sarah, and I am 16. The others in my system don’t like me much, they regard me as weak and dirty. I think I remind them of the past… They dislike me as I do not treat the body well… I self-harm and restrict/purge and they think this shows my weakness even more… But I only do it as those are the rules that the bad man made, and breaking them is dangerous.
Anyway, bad stuff aside, I really like music, painting, reading and going on hikes. I esspecially like mountains and lakes, luckily we live in Scotland so those arre both fairly common 🙂

hi. I am Rachel, I am 15 years old. I always feel a little isolated from the rest of the system, a bit useless and unimportant. But I am told this is not true.
I lie to write, mainly poetry which the host then lets me put on her DeviantART page which I like 😀

Hi… I b Jenny. I 6

BOO! hehe 😛
me b Jess. me b hellper me tri 2 b guds an hellp ceep bodi safs 😀 . me liks kitties an tofee

mi b faith mi b 4.

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