[tweetmeme source=”life_with_DID”]

Why is it that we always get the “controversial” disorders? Lol

6 years ago I was anorexic, I “recovered” but still had the diagnosis of “EDNOS”, my doctor said it was Orothexia, but as this isn’t a “real” disorder EDNOS was the official diagnosis. During this period though my focus shifted, it was no longer and weight, calories, size, etc… Now it was about trying to be clear, pure, and uncontaminated. At first I just avoided E-numbers, then preservatives, then additives… over time the list got longer and longer… if we ever went out to eat or ate at someone else’s house so I didn’t know 100% what was inside the food then I had to “cleanse” myself… this would involve either purging or binge drinking pints upon pints of water and if I was not able to do either of these then I would need to “bleed out the contamination” later on that night by “blood letting”

Sometimes it would happen at home too… I never knew if I could or couldn’t eat something until I’d tried it… and the list of what I couldn’t eat seemed to be getting bigger and bigger…

By the end I was avoiding so much that I was barely eating, it had gotten to the point where my food intake wasn’t much more than it had been during my anorexic period, at one point it go down to my living off apples, oranges and vitamin supliments…. As well as this my purging and water binging had begun to mess up my electrolyte balance.

16 months ago I ended up admitted to hospital for a suspected heart attack!!! It ended up that I was having multiple tachycardic episodes… after several tests it ended up that my heart muscle had being damaged from the electrolyte issues… even now my heart has not recovered, apparently if my old diet had continued for much longer I would have died…

Though to be honest my eating still isn’t great, the list of things I avoid is still high and I still cannot eat anything pre-packaged, anything from a take-away, anything cooked by anyone other than myself, andthing where I cannot source all the ingredients, etc… but at least I’m no longer risking death


D.I.D isn’t all bad

Life with DID

This diagnosis carries a lot of controversy among people with “multiplepersonalities”, doctors and other mental health professionals. Thereare many distorted media depictions of life with Dissociative Identity Disorder which has created fear the general population. There are books written on the subject suggesting long tedious recoveries and not muchhope of normalcy. Most of this information stems from a few groups andhow Multiple Personality Disorder was originally presented and notbased on modern-day research on the subject.

What I, and my system, have learned after losing everything precious to us (employment, respect , normal rights) because of a misunderstood label, is you canhave Dissociative Identity Disorder, you can be multiple and stillmanage as a healthy citizen, parent, wife or husband and so on…as longas your system learns tools to communicate and manage the symptoms ofthe disorder. We are learning to properly use inner dialoguing, journaling , and sharing body space and time. We are aiming for a happy, co-consciously existence, sharing memory together.

Another option is integration of alters, but we decided against that.

As we learn to work together more it is no longer odd when a ’switch or transition’ between one alter or another occurs. It is becoming moresubtle, normal to. We do not dramatically or sharply switch because we no longer fight and fear it, nor does it come with announcements, calling attention to switches or ’switch on-command’ like circus show entertainment. Of course now and again the old version of switching does occur, but in time and with more work we hope that we will eventually be able to work together at all times so that no one feelsthe need to force their way out.

Multiplicity is another way oflife and usually becomes a disability only when the person becomeshighly stressed over being a multiple; fearing it, trying to control orstop switches and remaining hidden – furthering secrets and shameassociated with the stigma of Dissociative Identity Disorder. DID is not an illness, it is an effective defence mechanism that only becomes troublesome when the needs or wants of the system are ignored.

%d bloggers like this: