My Truth

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I’m very passionate about mental health and abuse awareness, mainly due to my own expieriances. I am very open about my past, which I know is something that many do not like, but I do not see why I should stay silent – afterall that’s what the abusers told me to do and I can’t let them win can I?

I don’t want nor do I expect pity or sympathy. I do not deserve it, and I do not want it, what happened happened and I am only who I am today because of it. I do not want hugs and people saying they are sorry, what I want, what I fight for every day, is for OTHERS to feel safe that they will not be judged. What I want is to make it so that those who currently suffer in silence scared of what may happen if they open up know that they are not alone, and maybe make it so that they no longer have to fear judgement and blame.

I know that my work and my speaking out will not end abuse, discrimination and suffering, but if I can just let people know that they are not alone and do not have to suffer in silence and maybe if I can make a few people stop and think then I am happy with that. I cannot stop abuse, I cannot change the world, but maybe I can help to plant the seeds of change, plant that idea in to the minds of others, and then they can help that idea to grow until one day change can and does occur. Maybe one day the things which I fight will no longer exist, but I doubt that I will see that day. I can do so little, but it’s the best I can do, I just have to hope that human nature is not as bad as I fear and that these seeds if change and the glimmer of hope will take root.

I tell my story, my truth, not for pity, but for the hope that I can help to ignite change in this world. I know most will not believe this, but I know my truth and I hope that a few of you know this truth too. This is why I spend so long creating websites, writting letters, speaking in schools, raising money and trying to spread awareness. It’s an inconvenient truth I know, but it’s a truth that needs to be known, I cannot just sweep it under the carpet when I know that it could help others. So I fight and strive with the hope of helping, of making the suffering of others that little bit better that bit more bearable.  I wish that this truth was not there, that it did not need to be spread, but it is and it does. And for this I am sorry

This is my truth

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Anger and blame

We are really really angry at them! at everyone who hurt us… Don’t feel it was us anymore, something clicked… and now we are so so angry…

they stole my life… they destroyed everything I had. They wrecked my education, destroyed my chances of the future I wanted. They damaged my mind to the point that I’m not sure I’ll ever be “normal”. They’ve caused me to waste years of my life, meaning that now I have to try to make up for lost time accademically, fiinancially and occupationally.

Michelle has been telling us this for years, but none of us ever believed her.

and… I hate them for it… I actually hate them, all of them… my parents, Steve, Tristan, John, the bullies, the drug dealer, the random people in the street who’ve yelled stuff at me, the teachers who didn’t stop the bullies, the neighbours who heard me scareaming for help but never came, the police who refused to help me, basically EVERYONE!!!

honestly right now hate the world… I don’t like this, I want to throw something, hit something, break something. I want to cause so much damage… I can’t seem to calm down.
We NEED to damage the world as much as it has damaged us!

they have taken everything… my confidence, my self-esteme, my ability to go outside, my ability to properly feel emotions, my friends, my family… everything… even my degree ended due to the damage they caused. Part of me actually wishes that Tristan was still alive so I could hurt him.

I don’t like this anger. I don’t like the things that right now I want to do to these people. It makes me as bad as them

Anger also riles up Michelle, and finding it hard to keep her in control… she can be quite dangerous when she wants to be and I don’t fancy another night in a jail cell…

Women, poverty and sex trafficking

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The burden of caring for the family often rests more heavily on the mother. She likely works longer hours and may well be the only provider. In some rural areas of Africa, nearly half the families are headed by women. In some localities in the Western world, a significant proportion of families are headed by the female.

Furthermore, especially in developing countries, women traditionally handle some of the most laborious jobs, such as fetching water and firewood. Deforestation and overgrazing have made these tasks much more difficult. In some drought-plagued countries, women spend three or more hours every day searching for firewood and four hours a day fetching water. Only when this drudgery is done can they begin to do the work that is expected of them in the home or on the land.

Obviously, both men and women suffer in countries where poverty, hunger, or strife is the daily fare. But women suffer disproportionately. Will this situation ever change? Are there any real prospects that one day women everywhere will be treated with respect and consideration? Is there anything women can do now to improve their lot?

Every year an estimated one million children—mostly girls—are forced or sold into prostitution. Araya, who comes from Southeast Asia, recalls what happened to some of her classmates. “Kulvadee became a prostitute when she was only 13. She was a nice girl, but her mother often got drunk and used to play poker, so she had no time to care for her daughter. Kulvadee’s mother encouraged her to earn money by going out with men, and before long, she was working as a prostitute. Sivun, another pupil in my class, came from the north of the country. She was just 12 when her parents sent her to the capital to work as a prostitute. She had to work for two years to pay off the contract signed by her parents. Sivun and Kulvadee are not unusual—5 out of the 15 girls in my class became prostitutes.”

There are millions of youngsters like Sivun and Kulvadee. “The sex industry is a huge market with its own momentum,” laments Wassyla Tamzali, of UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization). “Selling a 14-year-old girl has become so commonplace, it is banal.” And once these girls are sold into sexual slavery, paying off their purchase price may prove almost impossible. Manju, whose father sold her when she was 12, still owed $300 (U.S.) after seven years of prostitution. “There was nothing I could do—I was trapped,” she explains.

Escaping AIDS may be nearly as difficult for the girls as escaping the pimps who enslave them. A survey conducted in Southeast Asia indicated that 33% of these child prostitutes were infected with AIDS. As long as the five-billion-dollar prostitution industry flourishes, it is likely that these girls will continue to suffer.

Life with DID

This diagnosis carries a lot of controversy among people with “multiplepersonalities”, doctors and other mental health professionals. Thereare many distorted media depictions of life with Dissociative Identity Disorder which has created fear the general population. There are books written on the subject suggesting long tedious recoveries and not muchhope of normalcy. Most of this information stems from a few groups andhow Multiple Personality Disorder was originally presented and notbased on modern-day research on the subject.

What I, and my system, have learned after losing everything precious to us (employment, respect , normal rights) because of a misunderstood label, is you canhave Dissociative Identity Disorder, you can be multiple and stillmanage as a healthy citizen, parent, wife or husband and so on…as longas your system learns tools to communicate and manage the symptoms ofthe disorder. We are learning to properly use inner dialoguing, journaling , and sharing body space and time. We are aiming for a happy, co-consciously existence, sharing memory together.

Another option is integration of alters, but we decided against that.

As we learn to work together more it is no longer odd when a ’switch or transition’ between one alter or another occurs. It is becoming moresubtle, normal to. We do not dramatically or sharply switch because we no longer fight and fear it, nor does it come with announcements, calling attention to switches or ’switch on-command’ like circus show entertainment. Of course now and again the old version of switching does occur, but in time and with more work we hope that we will eventually be able to work together at all times so that no one feelsthe need to force their way out.

Multiplicity is another way oflife and usually becomes a disability only when the person becomeshighly stressed over being a multiple; fearing it, trying to control orstop switches and remaining hidden – furthering secrets and shameassociated with the stigma of Dissociative Identity Disorder. DID is not an illness, it is an effective defence mechanism that only becomes troublesome when the needs or wants of the system are ignored.

So, who are we?

Well I am Hazel, I have been writting most of our posts so far. I am the core personality, in other words I am the original. I’m 22 and I am a student studying physiology.

I’m Michelle, I’m 17. I am the strength in our system, I hold them all together. I keep people away, keep the body safe and will never let anyone hurt any of us again.

My name is Sarah, and I am 16. The others in my system don’t like me much, they regard me as weak and dirty. I think I remind them of the past… They dislike me as I do not treat the body well… I self-harm and restrict/purge and they think this shows my weakness even more… But I only do it as those are the rules that the bad man made, and breaking them is dangerous.
Anyway, bad stuff aside, I really like music, painting, reading and going on hikes. I esspecially like mountains and lakes, luckily we live in Scotland so those arre both fairly common 🙂

hi. I am Rachel, I am 15 years old. I always feel a little isolated from the rest of the system, a bit useless and unimportant. But I am told this is not true.
I lie to write, mainly poetry which the host then lets me put on her DeviantART page which I like 😀

Hi… I b Jenny. I 6

BOO! hehe 😛
me b Jess. me b hellper me tri 2 b guds an hellp ceep bodi safs 😀 . me liks kitties an tofee

mi b faith mi b 4.

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