The feelings of an abused child

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An attempt to express the feelings that a child goes through during an abusive upbringing. This needs some editing, I wrote it while still semi-dissociaty after a flashback while the feelings were still there so the grammar and stuff needs looking at.

They claim that they love and care for you, but that you need to be taught about the horrors and evils of the world to be made stronger. They both protect and comfort you, but also place you in situations where you feel that you are going to die you experience pain so intense that you cannot think; your head spins; our insides burn; you can no longer remember who you are or why you are here.

All you know is pain, all you feel in desperation. You consider crying out for help, but no one will listen, you can’t stop nor change what is happening. No matter that you do or say the pain will never stop. You are told the pain and suffering, the fear and horror is for your own good. Told that you need discipline, that you asked for it with your misbehaviour. Betrayal seems like too simple a word to describe the feelings of pain, loneliness and isolation.

When you try to talk about the pain you are told that you must be crazy: “nothing bad has happened to you”, “stop looking for attention”, “shut up already”. Each day you begin to feel more and more like you no longer know what is real. You stop trusting your own feelings as no one else acknowledges them so you must be over-reacting.

You learn to do everything that you are told with the upmost compliance, you forget everything that you ever wanted or hoped for. The pain is still there, lurking beneath the surface, but it is easier to pretend it’s not there, to bury the horrors that are in the deepest darkest corners of the mind.
The pain grows to an unbearable level, until your feelings start to shut down, you become numb: lonely and desperate you begin to give up on the senses that make people feel alive. You feel dead, you wish you were dead, there is no way out and there is no hope.

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Anger and blame

We are really really angry at them! at everyone who hurt us… Don’t feel it was us anymore, something clicked… and now we are so so angry…

they stole my life… they destroyed everything I had. They wrecked my education, destroyed my chances of the future I wanted. They damaged my mind to the point that I’m not sure I’ll ever be “normal”. They’ve caused me to waste years of my life, meaning that now I have to try to make up for lost time accademically, fiinancially and occupationally.

Michelle has been telling us this for years, but none of us ever believed her.

and… I hate them for it… I actually hate them, all of them… my parents, Steve, Tristan, John, the bullies, the drug dealer, the random people in the street who’ve yelled stuff at me, the teachers who didn’t stop the bullies, the neighbours who heard me scareaming for help but never came, the police who refused to help me, basically EVERYONE!!!

honestly right now hate the world… I don’t like this, I want to throw something, hit something, break something. I want to cause so much damage… I can’t seem to calm down.
We NEED to damage the world as much as it has damaged us!

they have taken everything… my confidence, my self-esteme, my ability to go outside, my ability to properly feel emotions, my friends, my family… everything… even my degree ended due to the damage they caused. Part of me actually wishes that Tristan was still alive so I could hurt him.

I don’t like this anger. I don’t like the things that right now I want to do to these people. It makes me as bad as them

Anger also riles up Michelle, and finding it hard to keep her in control… she can be quite dangerous when she wants to be and I don’t fancy another night in a jail cell…

Information about sexual predators

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So who are these sexual predators?

  • Males and Females
  • Young Adults, Middle-Aged Adults, and Seniors
  • Upper Class, Middle Class, and Disadvantaged
  • All Races & Ethnicities
  • Vocationally Diverse

In short, paedophilia, or adult sexual attraction to children, does not discriminate by race, gender, class, or age.

One child pornography sting operation by the U.S. Justice Department and Customs Postal Inspectors resulted in well over two hundred arrests. The occupations of those arrested was a virtual rainbow of American life, representing 44% of all occupations listed by the U.S. Department of Labour.

How many victims does a child molester average?

Interviews guaranteeing complete confidentiality and immunity from prosecution, conducted by Emory University psychiatrist Dr. Gene Abel, uncovered that:

  • Male offenders who abused girls had an average of 52 victims each.
  • Men who molested boys had an astonishing average of 150 victims each.
  • Only 3% of these crimes had ever been detected.

How do child molesters get into situations where they can exploit children?

Due to the nature of their sexual addiction, few paedophiles are able to resist their powerful urges to initiate contact with children and will go to great lengths to do so. Common strategies include:

  • Befriending parents, particularly single parents, to gain access to their children.
  • Offering babysitting services to overextended parents or caregivers.
  • Taking jobs and participating in community events that involve children.
  • Attending sporting events for children and/or offering to coach children’s sports.
  • Volunteering in youth organizations, offering to chaperone overnight trips.
  • Loitering in places children frequent – playgrounds, malls, game arcades, etc.
  • Spending time in Internet gaming and social communities, learning the online interests and lingo of youngsters.
  • Becoming foster parents.

What is the most common method used by child molesters?

The Affection Lure – Most victims of abuse are “groomed” over a period of weeks, months, or years. The Affection Lure is used both offline and online to seduce unsuspecting youngsters in need of love and attention. As child molesters have repeatedly said: When there’s a physically or emotionally absent parent in the picture, it makes the child more vulnerable than ever.

Which age group is most often targeted by child molesters?

In the interviews I conducted, the majority of molesters cited a preference for children on the brink of puberty. This is the age of sexual awakening, making it easy for molesters to prey on the sexual curiosity and ignorance of youngsters. To quote one of the predators I interviewed, “Give me a kid who knows nothing about sex, and you’ve given me my next victim.”

While parents are inclined to give pre-teen children more freedom and less supervision, this age group is actually the most vulnerable to abuse and abduction. One way to reduce the risk is to talk frankly and often to children about “the birds and the bees” and not allow child molesters to educate children for us.

Wouldn’t a vigilant parent be able to detect a child molester, just by their actions?

Not necessarily. Always remember:

  • Paedophiles are notoriously friendly, nice, kind, engaging and likeable.
  • Paedophiles target their victims, often insinuating themselves into that child’s life – their family, school, house of worship, sports, and hobbies.
  • Paedophiles are professional con artists and are expert at getting children and families to trust them.
  • Paedophiles will smile at you, look you right in the eye and make you believe they are trustworthy.

Do kids and teens ever sexually abuse other children?

Sadly, yes – and many of these juvenile offenders are victims of sexual abuse themselves. A U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics report found that:

  • 23% of all sexual offenders were under the age of 18.
  • 40% of offenders of victims under age 6 were themselves juveniles
  • 13% were 7-11 years old; 27% were 12-17 years old.
  • 39% of the offenders of victims ages 7-11 were juveniles.
  • 27% of the offenders of victims ages 12 -17 were juveniles.

What types of assaults were these?

Juvenile offenders under the age of 12 were responsible for:

  • 23% of forcible sodomies
  • 19% of forcible fondlings
  • 17% of sexual assaults with an object
  • 7% of forcible rapes

Juvenile offenders ages 12 – 18 were responsible for:

  • 36% of forcible sodomies
  • 27% of forcible fondlings
  • 23% of sexual assaults with an object
  • 17% of forcible rapes

When and where do these assaults usually happen?

The peak time for juvenile assaults was 3 pm, after school. Other spikes in the number of incidents were at the traditional meal times of 8 am, noon and 6 pm. Most of these assaults happened in the home of the victim, the home of the offender, or another residence.

How many of these assaults were by family members?

  • 49% of offenders of victims under age 6 were family members.
  • 42% of offenders of victims ages 7-11 were family members.
  • 24% of offenders of victims ages 12 – 17 were family members.

Are there groups of organized paedophiles that prey on children?

Yes. Small groups of militant and highly organized child molesters operate worldwide through paedophile organisations, whose members claim genuine concern for the welfare of children. The actual number of members in these organisations is unknown, though their power is evident. One paedophile organisation’s newsletter correctly identified ten sting operations in five different states. Another exposed and compromised four federal sting operations. Clearly, these organisations have connections.

What are their beliefs and goals?

In general, these groups believe that sex with children is harmless; some even claim that sexual relations are healthy for children. Their goals include decriminalising child molestation and lowering the age of consent.

Where do they meet?

In addition to attending paedophile conferences and conventions, members now meet primarily via the Internet where they may swap methods, success stories, even names, descriptions, and images of children. Since the early 1980’s, they have exploited the Internet to communicate with one another, spreading their propaganda to anyone who will listen.

Aren’t their activities illegal?

Most paedophile groups and members are careful to keep their public activities within the realm of protected civil liberties.

In 2006, a new political party (PNVD) was established in the Netherlands. Commonly referred to as “the Paedophile Party,” it seeks to lower the age of consent from 16 to 12. Opponents had asked The Hague District Court to bar the party from registering for national elections, but Judge H. Hofhuis ruled: “Freedom of expression, freedom … of association, including the freedom to set up a political party, can be seen as the basis for a democratic society.”

Are these paedophile groups a real threat?

While the average child molester does not belong to a paedophile organization, but we would be foolish not to take seriously any group whose members are committed to sexual activity with children.

So, who are we?

Well I am Hazel, I have been writting most of our posts so far. I am the core personality, in other words I am the original. I’m 22 and I am a student studying physiology.

I’m Michelle, I’m 17. I am the strength in our system, I hold them all together. I keep people away, keep the body safe and will never let anyone hurt any of us again.

My name is Sarah, and I am 16. The others in my system don’t like me much, they regard me as weak and dirty. I think I remind them of the past… They dislike me as I do not treat the body well… I self-harm and restrict/purge and they think this shows my weakness even more… But I only do it as those are the rules that the bad man made, and breaking them is dangerous.
Anyway, bad stuff aside, I really like music, painting, reading and going on hikes. I esspecially like mountains and lakes, luckily we live in Scotland so those arre both fairly common 🙂

hi. I am Rachel, I am 15 years old. I always feel a little isolated from the rest of the system, a bit useless and unimportant. But I am told this is not true.
I lie to write, mainly poetry which the host then lets me put on her DeviantART page which I like 😀

Hi… I b Jenny. I 6

BOO! hehe 😛
me b Jess. me b hellper me tri 2 b guds an hellp ceep bodi safs 😀 . me liks kitties an tofee

mi b faith mi b 4.

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